Today I spent playing with Riley. She is growing up so fast, each day brings new advancements and experiences with her. She’s no longer a newborn, an infant, she’s definitely a baby now. All babbling and smiles and laughs. My days are not complete with my Riley kisses! She’s eating veggies and cereal now- so far she adores carrots and peas, she’s not quite as enthused over green beans, and while cereal as a hit at first, she’d much rather have veggies instead. She sleeps through the night with rare exceptions.
She is an incredible, lovely, beautiful baby and I can not imagine not knowing her.
A year ago today, I wasn’t sure we’d get the chance to meet her.
If you click on the link below, you can read what I wrote that day a year ago. It’s a bit detailed and long but at least has a happy ending. Little did I know the events of that day were just the beginning of an eventful pregnancy but they did solidify in me how I felt about this new life and how much someone I had not even met yet meant to me. They also showed me yet again how wonderful Mark is and what a great father he would be (as if there has ever been any doubt).
Riley is in bed asleep after a long day of play. She smiled and laughed and had a grand time playing with all her Christmas gifts (thank you again everyone!) before her last bottle and just crashing out in my arms. I gave her extra kisses tonight. One day I’ll explain to her why January 6 means so much to me. Until then, I record it here for her to read when she is much much older.

Written January 6, 2006:
So yesterday evening was just fine and dandy except my mom calling to tell me she was worried about me. My mom NEVER worries about me. Never ever has worried about me. It kinda annoyed me but after assuring her nothing was wrong she thought she must just be excited about the baby. Okay, THAT I understand completely. So we have some chicken for dinner and off to sleep we went.
In the mornings, Mark gets up first and wakes me up about the time he’s ready to leave- well, it is more like he makes sure I’m awake because all I can do at this point is want to sleep when not queasy. 😉 Mark leaves and I get up and go to the bathroom to start my day.
That’s when I saw something that made my heart stop. Before getting pregnant with Boo, we found out that we were pregnant in November- it was just long enough to find out we were pregnant and then miscarried. It was nothing too out of the ordinary, apparently it happens to something like 30% of pregnancies, if it hadn’t been for me knowing my schedule I may not have realized it and wrote it off as just a realy bad cycle.
This morning I saw what I saw and felt the cramping that I felt when I knew that previous pregnancy was over. I just crawled back into bed, waiting for the cramps to get worse and think through what I could do and try not to bawl my eyes out in fear and disappointment. I got up a couple minutes later, threw on some clothes and as it was still too early to get in touch with someone at the OB office (which I was not even an official patient yet) I called into my office where my team lead was just very calming and helpful, to let them know I didn’t know when I would be in today if I was. I then started checking my baby books and thinking of everything I’ve read and trying not to think too much of what happened in November. I called Mark, but he was not in the office yet (meetings) and left a message as calmly as I could.
As long as I wasn’t trying to talk to someone, I was getting myself pulled back together pretty well. Then I got through to the OB’s office when they opened. I am really glad I’ve gone with them because they are excellent. I explained what was happening and since there was no obvious reason to why I should be bleeding and add to that what happened in November – they had me come in for an exam.
I tried to stay hopefull. I tried not think of how horrible it would be to tell Mark the baby was gone. I felt horrible for telling everyone I’ve told, while still holding on to hope (because I had read enough to know it’s not INSTANT DOOM ™) that it was all going to be alright. I let work know about the appointment and talked to my boss whom I adore and who also I know was concerned but tried to be reassuring. I would just keep crying and breaking down whenever I actually talked to someone. Saying it out loud made it too real, too easy to be true. I finally got in touch with Mark and told him what happened and about the appointment and he offered to meet me there.
The saint of a man, he came home and got me to take me. I don’t think I’ve been so happy to see him in the 4+ years I’ve known him. Off to the doctor’s we went, on the upside the things I’d seen that morning were still happening but looking a bit better which helped, but my head kept remembering this is how it happened last time, which of course does NOT help.
The office got us in, and I went back solo at first. As much as I played what seemed like musical chairs (paperwork, then blood work, then exam, then back out to the lab area, then the ultrasound–) the doctor told me during the exam that things looked alright to her- though the exam did make the cramping/tightness a bit stronger. The practice I’m going to is very pro-family/partner/etc involvement so I got Mark from the waiting room and we went back to wait on the ultrasound tech to be available.
I’ve read enough blogs and books to know that this was going to be where we found out the most information for this point and time. Would there be a heartbeat? Would the baby measure to where it should be? Would there be some other problem or abnormality? Because of what had happened in November, there was some thought that I could be way off in my dates because of the effect that could have made on the following cycle. I was pretty certain though and with Mark there next to me the tech performed the ultrasound. She was really nice and found the baby quickly with minimal fuss.
That’s when we heard the first solid good news of the day- the baby was there, the egg sac looked great, and the regular sac looked great. Second, the baby measured exactly where it should be- seven weeks, 2 days. Third- and this was what I was praying for- she found the heartbeat. Our little Boo was going strong at 152 beats per minute. The tech told us the great news and turned the screen towards us so we could see and I cried. She found what had been the probable cause of the bleeding, a tear which is pretty common and didn’t threaten the baby. She was so cheerful and positive, it really helped calm our fears. She even printed out a couple of copies of a picture of Boo for us.
I breathed for the first time today as we left the ultrasound room and went to talk to the doctor. Mark smiled and I could see the weight lifting off him. I know this was hard for him but I did not have any doubt that he would be there for me through this. The doctor described things a bit more in detail and assured us this was alright, for me to just go home, put my feet up and relax for a couple of days. The tear was a just a result of the growing uterus and gestational sac and everything was alright. I did the right thing by calling and getting things checked, and I am to call if there’s any questions or changes- and the doctor we saw told us she’d be around this weekend which was reassuring.
Mark brought me home and had to go to some meetings- now that we knew what happened and were sure everything with Boo was fine it was fine. I stayed home and did some work from the couch – nothing takes my mind off things like work can. I keep looking at the ultrasound and thinking of the heartbeat and I am overwhelmed. I will do anything and everything to make sure Boo has the best chance to be born- I can not wait to meet them and hold them and show them the world. And I can not wait to introduce Mark to his child because he will be the best father I could ever imagine for our child.
So let’s all say a quick prayer/thought/wish/hope/dream that this is the MOST excitement we have with Boo until after he/she deems to make their official appearance. If I had any doubts or hesitation before- there is none now, I’m a mom. I’m Boo’s mom. And I’m in love.